Justin and I only wanted one baby, but after only a few hours of staring at our sweet baby boy, we knew we wanted another. We decided to start trying right away for a couple different reasons. We wanted our children to be as close in age as possible. We figured that the closer they were, the sooner we would be out of the baby stage. As cute as it is, it's difficult and demanding, and in our opinion, big kids are more fun. Also because it took us 11 months to conceive Zack.
In January, when Zack was 9 months old, my grandma had open heart surgery. We got the call that everything had gone well. I had no idea just how worried I was until we heard that everything was ok. I wept in the break room at work. Our second baby was conceived that night.
The next morning I got another call at work. Grammy had had a reaction to a blood thinning drug. She wasn't going to make it after all. Even though I rushed out of work and home to pick up Justin and Zack, we didn't make it in time. I had to tell her how much I loved her over the phone, and it seemed an incredibly indecent way to say goodbye. My heart was broken. Even now, almost a year and a half later, it's hard to believe that she's not with us. I still get the urge to pick up the phone and call her.
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Grammy and Zack
August 2011 |
Within the week that followed, we picked a girl name. Tabitha Isabelle Annette. Isabelle after my mother's mother, and Annette after my grandmother that had just passed away. Just days after this, we found out that we were expecting.
My pregnancy with my son was the picture of perfection, and I expected nothing less with this one. There was no identifiable reason for me to have complications, so after our 18 week ultrasound, we were floored to find out that I had Placenta Previa. The midwife told me there was a high chance that it would clear, but if it didn't I would have to have a cesarean section. I broke down right there in the office, and several times more over the next few weeks.
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| Baby Bean at 18 Weeks |
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There is nothing I can say to describe the affect that Zack's vaginal birth had on me. Through the pain, the pushing, the puking, it was the most amazing and incredible experience of my life. I absolutely hated being pregnant, but I could go through the birthing process a million times. I felt completely cheated when I found out I may not get to experience that again. At that point there was still hope, so we decided to keep it to ourselves. And I prayed. Oh how I prayed.
After our 28 week ultrasound, the news was the same. I still had Previa. At this point there was only a small chance of it clearing, but another ultrasound was set for 33 weeks. It was after our second ultrasound that we told our friends and family, and begged them to pray for a miracle with us. This is also when I began to earnestly research the condition I had.
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| 29 weeks pregnant and walking the beach with Zack |
The news after our 33 week ultrasound was still the same. Our miracle wasn't to be. A C-Section date was set for September 26, my birthday, and one week before the baby's due date. I also met with the cesarean doctor that was recommended to us by our midwife.
During my research, I had found out that the majority of Previa babies come early, and it sent me into a panic. Thankfully at this point I wasn't too worried about the baby. It's chances of surviving outside of the womb after 28 weeks were pretty high. The thing that sent me into a panic was my “To Do” list. Was it ever long! Painting, cleaning and organizing took up the next few weeks. At 34 weeks I finished the last two “must do” things, packing hospital bags and installing the car seat. 5 days later I went into the early stages of labor.
For the next week and a half I was in and out of the doctor's office and hospital. We had several Non Stress Tests, blood tests, and ultrasounds. It was more than enough to frustrate and stress me out, however I did my best to relax when I was at home. Thankfully my son, who was nearly 17 months, is fiercely independent, and made sitting on the couch easy for me. My amazing husband continued to work 50 hours a week, and took care of my chores at home as well.
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| Snuggling while we rested on the couch |
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| 36 Weeks. We took belly pictures just in time |
On the evening of September 6th, my mom drove an hour and a half to come babysit for us while we had yet another ultrasound. As much fun as they were, we had had so many by this point that I didn't even want to go. But this one was to check on the baby itself, to make sure it was practicing breathing and sucking, and to make sure everything was developing as it should. It checked out 100% on track.
The next morning, September 7th, at 36 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I woke up at 6 AM. As I headed in to use the bathroom, I felt a huge gush. Before even checking, I knew what had happened. This was the moment the midwife had been preparing me for. There was another gush as I pulled down my pants and tried to get to the toilet. Blood. Everywhere. Flowing down my legs and pajamas. On the floor, the toilet, soaking my underwear. I called for Justin and he came running. I could see his disbelief switch to panic as he took in the scene before him. I smiled and said “It's baby time!”, and started giving out instructions. While he packed the car, then woke Zack, I made phone calls. To our friend to come pick up Zack. To my mom to come back down and pick up Zack from our friend. To the hospital to let them know what was happening and that we would shortly be on our way.
By 6:30, Justin and I were pulling into the emergency room. I got a phone call from Labor and Delivery. Where was I? They were getting worried. I assured them that I was fine, the bleeding had stopped, and we were on our way into the building.
The next few hours were painfully uneventful. Another NST, another IV. No bleeding, and not enough activity for them to start the C-Section preparations. Since I wasn't past 37 weeks, the nurses told me that they were waiting until I started bleeding again. They didn't expect it to be that day, but I was to plan to be in the hospital overnight.
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| At this point I was more than anxious to meet our Bean |
I was admitted and moved to my own room. By 1 PM I was in active labor. My limited knowledge of natural birth came back to me, and I found myself concentrating on breathing through each contraction, with Justin by my side. One nurse, whom I learned to detest over the next 24 hours, brought in some medicine and proceeded to start hooking it to my IV. When I asked what she was doing, she said she was giving me some pain medicine. Her response to my “Why?” was a look of disbelief and “Because you're in labor.” I absolutely couldn't believe that she would just hook it up without asking. I told her I didn't want it, she tried to convince me, and I stood my ground. She ended up grudgingly taking it from the room.
Not
having eaten since the night before, I was ravenous and began asking
every nurse I saw if I could have something to eat. The answer was
always the same. “We can't let you eat anything before you have a
c-section.”
Around
1:30 the doctor came in for a visit and said she didn't expect
anything to happen for at least 8 hours. I could finally order lunch.
A BLT and piece of lemon cream pie were shortly brought to my room,
but were set aside while a nurse checked my IV and the monitors.
2
O'clock came, and Justin said he was going to work. We had discussed
this at length and decided his vacation time would be better spent at
home after the baby had come. If nothing was happening, he needed to
go. I put on a brave face, kissed him goodbye, and bawled my eyes out
when the door shut behind him. One of my nurses rushed to my side to
comfort me. While she hugged me, petted my hair and caressed my arm,
we talked about why I was so upset. I was in labor. All alone. With
too much activity and nervousness all around me. I felt like a
watched pot, and as we all know, they never boil. Everyone but that
nurse left the room. She reminded me that I had lunch waiting, and
set the tray in front of me. Nothing had ever looked better.
It
was then that I felt another gush. Bigger than the first two, this
one wasn't stopping. My face lit up. “I'm bleeding!” I cried, and
the nurse checked. “Can I call Justin back?” He was probably just
getting to the car. There was a flurry of activity as I made the
call. He didn't answer, so I left a message, hung up, and called my
mom. Justin was planning on stopping at home to make lunch. “Turn
him around and send him back, please. We're having a baby!”. The
nurses all proceeded to tease me about my mood going from so low to
so high in a matter of seconds. I didn't care and kept smiling from
ear to ear. Lunch would wait. This whole thing would soon be over,
and I would have my littlest love in my arms.
I was prepped for my C-Section over the next few minutes while we waited for the doctor and Justin to show up. The anesthesiologist, Mo, was amazing, and gave me a run down of what to expect. Justin wouldn't be allowed in the operating room until my spinal was done and the doctors were ready to operate.
Justin was back and holding my hand as I breathed through contractions, and suddenly I looked at him and said “I have to poop.” His eyes flew open, and he got the attention of the nurses. "Jess just told me she has to poop." One of them bolted from the room. The nurse next to me calmly said “We don't have time for you to do that right now, so when you feel it coming on, just breathe it away.” I hadn't recognized it for what it was: the urge to push.
My adrenaline soared as they wheeled my bed down the hall. As they pushed me through the double doors, the coldness of the operating room hit me like a ton of bricks, and I began to shiver uncontrollably. I was lifted from my bed to the operating table, and helped to sit up on the edge of it. My feet weren't touching anything, and my shivering was so bad that I felt my body being shaken up off the table. I began to wonder how they were going to do my spinal while I was in this condition, when the nurses surrounded me and held me down. I felt a small prick (much like the epidural I had with my son, it wasn't anything like people warned it would be), and my body went numb from the chest down. As I was laid down, I felt the bleeding begin again. This time I could feel the clots as they rushed out of my body. One doctor muttered under her breath, “That's a lot of blood.” I wasn't meant to hear. I could see the aids rushing to get ready for a blood transfusion. The bleeding stopped only one point before the transfusion was necessary.
My gown was lifted and placed as a wall in front of my face. Claustrophobia struck, and I begged to have the gown moved a few inches. Mo quickly obliged, and I felt myself calming down. He then tried to tie my arms out to my side. Panic instantly took over, and once again I found myself begging. Again, I was obliged, but this time with a warning. Many moms in this position found the need to feel around while the doctor worked. If my arms moved at all, I would be tied down. I nodded my agreement, and concentrated on keeping my arms still.
I felt my belly being shaken from side to side. Mo said, “I don't know if you know, but they've started.” “I know.” I replied. This is when Justin was suddenly at my side.
A few minutes passed before Mo spoke again. I was to prepare for the “elephant on the chest” feeling we had talked about. Whatever I had been expecting, it wasn't that. The pressure was so strong and deep that I found myself moaning and breathing as if I was delivering vaginally. It felt as if it would never end. The thought that passed through my head was “This is so weird.” Another thing I had been prepared for. “If you feel like it's weird, it's going exactly as it should.” I was told later that when one of the doctors pressed on my belly to move the baby down, the baby had decided it didn't want to come out after all, and tucked itself up as high into my belly as possible. More pressure than usual was needed to get it into position.
Another few minutes passed, and I could feel the baby being tugged from me. “It's a....” a female voice said. I held my breath in anticipation, and it felt like half an hour had passed before the same voice continued: “GIRL!”
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| Tabi was born screaming |
A girl. My girl. My grandmother's namesake.
I wept, smiled and laughed all at the same time. "Is it really a girl?" I asked over and over. I didn't quite believe it until I saw for myself.
The
baby's team of nurses were ready for anything, and ended up not being
needed for anything but weight and vital checks. 7 pounds 4 ounces
and 20 inches of white hot rage. I'm quite certain the people on the
other end of labor and delivery could hear her screaming. Justin cut
her umbilical cord. She was perfect. Our Tabitha Isabelle Annette.
Whole and perfect and beautiful.
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| Crying, smiling and laughing |
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| Sharing the moment with my amazing husband Justin |
Justin and Tabitha were sent back to our room while I remained in the operating room. 45 minutes were gone before I was wheeled out, and surprisingly, it went quickly. When I got to the room the nurses asked if I wanted her to be bathed before I held her. I knew I wouldn't want to give her up once I had her, so I agreed. Her bath went quickly, and she was in my arms before I knew it. I bared my chest and held her upright against it. She immediately began to bop her head around and slide her body sideways in search of my breast. Amazement filled my being as I watched her instincts take over. This sweet thing already knew what she wanted and how to find it. By the end of our 3 day stay, my milk had come in and she was nursing like a champ.
We only had minor issues during our stay, the biggest being the small size of our room, and the awful nurse that I have already mentioned. Thankfully the other nurses knew I didn't like her style and approach to nursing, and rearranged the schedule so she wouldn't be assigned to me.
My recovery was slow, but after about 24 hours I was able to get up and hobble to the bathroom. I had never been so relieved to be out of bed. My mobility improved consistently, and after 3 days we were sent home. Tabitha and I both healthy and happy, and Justin and I ready to start our new life as a family of four.
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| Arriving home with our bundle. Zack was ecstatic to see us! |
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| Tabitha Isabelle Annette Reude |
